Advice for Children

The internet is a breeding ground for false-truths and half-rumors. And with more kids than ever online these days, I feel it's important to set our future straight. I'm taking a page out of snopes' book and debunkifying some nonsense.

Don't take Candy from Strangers

Let's tackle this problem math style - substitute money for candy. Don't take money from strangers? Who would give that advice?

Poor people, that's who. I say eat up kids.

Get a Good Night's Rest

There's a pill for everything. Stay up late, get more done. Everyone is so busy these days, how are you going to make your trips to Bed Bath & Beyond AND catch up on your reality tv shows if you don't sleep less?

A pill in the morning wakes you up, another at night gets you to sleep. Simple.

Don't Run with Scissors

You go ahead and walk there, but when you finally poke your way to the craft table, don't whine when Johnny Speed has cut up all the good paper.

Turn Off the Hot Water First

Sounds to me like a good way to get cold. Here's an idea – when it comes time to turn off the faucets, spin that cold first, then – hustle up – and close off the hot. Life ain't won by the slow, kid.

Eat Your Vegetables

I never ate a vegetable that tasted better than ice cream. So, let's skip the green stuff, take a vitamin, and save more room for desert.