internet pals

Recently I ordered a product from the internet. I was given a faulty tracking number to track my package and sought help online. I spoke (actually typed) with a customer service representative. Below is a transcript of that conversation with me (in blue) and chapman (in red) along with comments from myself (in italics), so you - the reader- can better follow along.

And for all you spelling hawks out there, all the misspellings in the chat were written that way.

Welcome to's Customer Service Live Chat! You will be joined with a chat representative momentarily.

Welcome to Customer Service, you are now chatting with Chapman.

A pause of maybe 45 seconds

you: When I try to track my package, --- says it is not a valid number

“You” is actually me.

Chapman: Thank you for visiting

It's good to be here

Chapman:I'd be glad to help you with that.


Chapman: Could you please give the order number that you are talking about?

Sure can

you: JPE-1704-TKS

Chapman: For security purposes, may I ask you to verify the name and billing address on your account?

Is this guy a criminal? Have I been directed to a website that will steal my personal information? I see on the chat screen a logo of the company. That probably makes it legitimate.

you: stephen falken 5 tall cedar rd goose island OR

Chapman: Thank you for confermation.

I'm here to help

Chapman: Are you reffering to 'Super Cool Value Deal' purchased on 03-28-2006.

Being as that is the only thing I have purchased from your company,

you: yes

Chapman:After further review of your account I see that this item was shipped on 03/29/2006.

you: yes, but the ---- tracking number i was given does not work with ----, they say that it is invalid

Chapman:What I can do for you is to forward this issue to our Research Team.

you: ok

ok, here means that I don't understand what is going on. I could have emailed someone and saved myself the 15 minutes that this conversation has so far taken.

Chapman: I am sorry for inconvience this has caused to you.

I doubt it, but

you: ok

Chapman: They will contact you through email or phone within 1 week.

Chapman: Is that okay with you?

you: well it will probably be delivered before then, so if they can't get to it in a few days, i would say just forget it

I'm being honest here. No sense in putting Columbo on the case while the package has already been delivered to my house.

Chapman: Most of our items are shipped within 1 to 4 business days after order completion. It takes up to 5-10 business days to deliver it to your address.

In this case the item was shipped within hours of order completion. I live in a major metropolitan area, so it should get to me sooner than 10 business days.

Chapman: If you didnt receive this item by 04/11/2006 please let us know.

Chapman: Is there anything I can help you with?

Haven't we been talking about helping me? Is this some sort of keyword bot or something?

you: the tracking number is the only issue at this time

A long pause. Am I alone in the room? I should say something to break the awkward digital silence.

you: i'd be nice to have it

Shoot. I misspelled "it'd". Do I correct myself, like I see others do, when I'm lurking around in chat rooms? No, I can not afford to show weakness now.

Chapman: They will contact you through email or phone within 1 week.

Hmm. Maybe he missed my earlier comment about not bothering. Of course, if he's right about the 2 weeks of shipping time, (maybe the package is being shipped via flatboat?), in which case I would like to have the research team contact me.


Nothing? Ok then.

you: fantastic

Chapman: Thank you again for visiting Have a great day!

you: you too Chapman

Chat session has been terminated by the Service representative.

How rude

The Flood

The Car for the Common Man

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